Don’t forget you do have choices

Your choices can change everything

Do you feel like you’ve lost control? Does it feel like everyone else is powerful, things are working for them, but you just find that nothing works out how you want it to? Then realising that you have choices may help.

Choice is such an important part of life. Most of us, are lucky enough to be able to make so many choices about how we behave, how we work and live. We can choose how to react to others, to situations – we are not powerless. This is often too easy to forget in the day to day busy-ness and stress of life. It’s too easy to be passive and react to situations with frustration, anger or hopelessness, blaming circumstances or others for what happens when the most constructive thing we can do is recognise our options and move forward.

Most people don’t realise / aren’t actually aware of how much power they do have when it comes to choice. By being proactive and taking action, we bring control back and feel more powerful. Being passive and letting events wash over us, means we have little control and may not get the results we want.

What can I do to take control?

As with all change, the first step is to notice what’s happening. Then, choose to do something about it.

Because there are always options.

An example

A colleague is driving you crazy with negative comments and a generally negative attitude. Sometimes it borders on rudeness. This is affecting your work, your attitude to your job and how you behave with others when they’re around. They are taking more and more of your headspace and your usual positive demeanour is diminishing. They are having a big impact on you and this is getting you down.

OK, so what are your choices here?

Accept the status quo and do nothing – that is a choice, after all.

Choose to do something about it. You could speak to them, be honest, they may not realise the impact they’re having on you. There are many ways to do this – you could, for example ask if all is OK with them. Often this sort of behaviour is as a result of something they’re going through. If they have always been like this, then they simply may not be aware of how their behaviour affects others. Choose an appropriate time and place to do this, where you can both speak like adults to each other and leave judgement and anger aside. Try and see it as an interesting experience from which you can learn. Some find it useful to imagine it as a chapter in a book or scene in a film and they are the protagonist. It’s useful to remain curious as to the outcome.

If you can’t face approaching them or have tried and they were not responsive, then you have further choices. You can choose to react differently. You can choose to ignore, to work on letting the frustration go, to focus on more positive things.

Can you re-frame the situation?

You could also find a way of re-framing the situation. Instead of seeing it as them winding you up on purpose, you could re-frame it as them not being emotionally aware enough to understand and then adapt their behaviour. This is not personal (things rarely are) and they are just being themselves in their full (and frustrating) glory.

You can choose to let go of the effect they have and focus on doing a good job and spending as much time with people that do focus on the positive and make you feel good. Imagine turning down their influence, like a dial on a radio, and giving yourself the power to live and work as you want, without their negativity.

Write it down

If you’re faced with a difficult situation which is getting you down, write it down. Then brainstorm all your options. From the sensible and do-able to the far-fetched. Have a laugh doing it! Do this alone or with a friend. Apart from feeling better from laughing, you will feel better when you see all the options open to you.

So remember, you don’t have to just take it, you have choices. If you can’t change others, you can change your reaction to them. You can change your perception, re-frame the situation, realise it’s not personal and choose to make the changes that will enable you to feel better and move on.